music is my ruler and my emotions follow it wildly. so in these moments where i feel lost and upset i try and listen to music that can make me cry so I can get it out of my system. But for a while i've listened to the same 5 songs on repeat aand i'm just at a point where I don't think there is a song sad enough for me or the way that I feel. i don't know how it's possible to change or revert or become someone who is just.. better. I feel alone and i feel like a piece of shit most of the time. i have no sense of self worth or believe that i deserve any. i am alone now, listening to "What of me" by tresspassers william and i feel still. i still haven't broken down. i have hit the bottom, i have gotten help but i have yet to have a breakthrough....i need my breakthrough. I've been trying so hard to be normal... i mingle, i flirt, and nothing..... i just kind of hate myself and want to disappear. i only stick it out because i love my family and friends and trust that i am worth it.. if they're telling me i am... tiny bit ... shred... of hope. but for the most part i just want to be invisiable.